Replace The Batteries In Your Neurodiverse Marriage Toxin Detector

This morning we awoke to an annoying chirping sound from a detector, which went off about every 60 seconds. We discovered it was the carbon monoxide detector, and that it was time to replace the batteries. 

The Holy Spirit began to whisper into my spirit to do some research as to what carbon monoxide does to cause trouble. Carbon monoxide binds hemoglobin to red blood cells, thus preventing the red blood cells from carrying oxygen throughout our body. The most vulnerable organs in our body are our brain and heart. Eventually carbon monoxide can cause us to pass out and death can occur.

As a wife in a neurodiverse marriage for 32 years before any diagnosis or therapy was to come, I can tell you that my soul’s oxygen was deprived. Our soul is our heart—our mind, will, and emotions. The culture of our home was the culture of neurodiversity. It is the culture of zombies. Wounded and confused, we all survived by wounding each other. Wounded people wound. And when you don’t know what you don’t know, you can’t fix what needs fixing. And how do you fix neurodiversity?

I now know that if someone within the culture of neurodiversity does not have an Esther moment, risking their life to bring change, nothing will ever change. I am convinced that the neurotypical wife must be the Esther. 

I have heard many older women who have been married to a man with Asperger’s for decades say, ‘It’s too late’. That makes my heart sad, and my resolve gets fired up to say, “Your heart can be revived. Start there.” Neurodiversity left to its own devices can choke the oxygen out of relationships, due to lack of reciprocity. The wife loses herself because eventually she realizes that there is no affirmation of what her heart has reflected it needs a response to. The conclusion her heart comes to is that she is not worth responding to. Yet her loyalty drones on, compelling her to try rescuing the marriage, while her own heart is drowning.

Her neurodiverse toxin detector is exhausted. She is surviving, not thriving. Just as what happens when carbon monoxide is present, her heart feels faint, and she is dangerously close to spiritually passing out. This is an Isaiah 42:22 moment; “But this is a people plundered and looted; they are all of them trapped in holes and hidden in prisons; they have become plunder with none to rescue, spoil with none to say, “Restore!” 

I am one to cry, “Restore!” over this scenario in your life. What does restoration look like? My own heart was restored after 32 years of a neurodiverse marriage. I was delivered from a spirit of insignificance. My eyes and ears were revived and opened. I learned I was a daughter, worthy of receiving reciprocity directly from looking deep into the eyes of Jesus, and hearing the voice of my Good Shepherd tell me everything He loves about me. Heaven’s oxygen flooded my soul, restoring life to every part of me. My auto immune issues disappeared. As my soul prospered, my body prospered. 3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.”

Consider this post a replacement of the batteries in your neurodiverse marriage toxin detector. Your heart is needing heaven’s oxygen. I am crying over you, “RESTORE!”

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